According to the Pew Research Center, roughly three in ten American adults have used an online dating app. That is tens of millions of people meeting strangers for the first time, often alone, often at night, and usually with nothing more than a few photos and a text conversation to go on. Most of these dates go just fine. But "most" is not the same as "all," and having a plan is not paranoia — it is just good sense.
These five rules are not about assuming the worst about every person you match with. They are about creating a simple framework that lets you relax and enjoy the date because you have already taken care of the safety basics. Think of it as a seatbelt: you do not wear one because you expect a crash. You wear one so you do not have to think about crashes at all.
Rule 1: Share Your Plan With Someone You Trust
Before you walk out the door, one person in your life should know three things: who you are meeting, where you are going, and when you expect to be home.
This does not need to be a production. A quick text to a friend works:
"Hey, going on a date tonight. His name is Marcus, we matched on Hinge. Meeting at The Olive on Main Street at 7:30. Should be home by 10. I'll text you when I'm back."
That is thirty seconds of effort that creates a real safety net. The key is including a specific time for your friend to check in if they have not heard from you. "Text me when you are home" is easy to say, but people get busy and forget. A time-bound expectation — "if you have not heard from me by 10:30, call me" — is far more reliable.
Some people use the buddy system by texting screenshots of the person's dating profile to their friend. Others share their live location through their phone. Both are reasonable strategies. The important thing is that someone knows.
Rule 2: Meet in Public for the First Few Dates
This one sounds obvious, but it is worth stating plainly: for the first date (and ideally the second and third), meet at a public venue with other people around. Coffee shops, restaurants, busy parks during daylight hours, and bars with staff nearby are all good choices.
A few specific tips:
- Choose the venue yourself rather than letting your date pick. This way, you know the layout and the exits.
- Arrive independently. Drive yourself, take a rideshare, or use public transit. Do not accept a ride from someone you have not met in person.
- Avoid isolated locations for early dates — remote hiking trails, private residences, or restaurants in areas you are not familiar with.
- Let the bartender or server know you are on a first date if you want. Many restaurants have quiet policies for helping patrons who feel uncomfortable. Some even have coded drink orders ("angel shots") that signal to staff that you need assistance.
Meeting in public is not a judgment on your date. It is a standard practice that safe, trustworthy people will understand completely. If someone pressures you to meet at their home or a secluded spot for a first meeting, that is a red flag worth paying attention to.
Rule 3: Use a Check-In System
The buddy system works, but it relies on two humans remembering to follow through. You have to remember to text when you are home. Your friend has to remember to follow up if you do not. In practice, both sides of that equation break down more often than we like to admit.
A timed check-in system removes the guesswork. The concept is simple: set a timer before your date. If you do not confirm you are safe by the time it runs out, someone is notified automatically.
StillSafe's Date Safety Mode was built around exactly this idea. Before your date, you activate a check-in timer and note where you are going and who you are meeting. When the date is over and you are safe, you check in with a single tap. If you do not check in, your emergency contacts are automatically notified with the details you entered — no one has to remember to follow up.
The system also includes a fake call feature. If you are on a date and things feel off, you can trigger a realistic incoming call to your phone — giving you a natural reason to step away and leave without confrontation. It is a small feature, but the people who have used it say it makes an enormous difference in the moment.
Rule 4: Trust Your Gut (It Is Smarter Than You Think)
Gavin de Becker, author of The Gift of Fear, argues that human intuition is a sophisticated threat-detection system built over millions of years of evolution. When something feels wrong — even if you cannot articulate why — your brain has likely noticed something your conscious mind has not caught up to yet.
On a date, trusting your gut looks like this:
- If the conversation makes you uncomfortable, you are allowed to leave. You do not owe anyone a reason.
- If they are pushing boundaries early — insisting on paying despite your discomfort, pressuring you to go somewhere private, or ignoring small "no" signals — take that seriously.
- If their story does not add up or they seem different from their profile in ways that feel off, not just normal nerves, pay attention.
- If you feel relief when the date ends, that is information worth processing.
Social pressure to be polite is powerful, and it can override legitimate safety instincts. Practice this phrase until it feels natural: "I had a nice time, but I'm going to head out." You do not need to explain, justify, or apologize. A kind, firm exit is always an option.
Rule 5: Have an Exit Strategy Before You Need One
An exit strategy is not pessimistic. It is a practical plan you hope you never use, like a fire escape route in a hotel. Before the date, think through:
- Transportation: How are you getting there, and how are you getting home independently? Do not rely on your date for a ride. Have a rideshare app ready, or know the public transit schedule.
- Money: Bring enough cash or a charged phone to get yourself home on your own.
- A reason to leave: Have a go-to excuse ready. "My roommate just texted, she needs me" or "I have an early morning" work fine. Or use a tool like StillSafe's fake call feature to create a natural break.
- Your own drink awareness: The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) recommends never leaving your drink unattended and ordering your own beverages directly from the bartender.
If at any point during the date you feel unsafe — not just awkward, but genuinely unsafe — go to the restroom, tell a staff member, and ask for help leaving. Do not hesitate to call 911 if you believe you are in danger. Your safety always outweighs social politeness.
A Note About Gender and Dating Safety
While this article addresses safety concerns that affect people of all genders, the statistics are clear that women face disproportionate risk in dating situations. According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, one in five women in the United States has experienced completed or attempted rape during her lifetime. Transgender individuals face even higher rates of violence.
That said, safety planning benefits everyone. Men, non-binary individuals, and people of all orientations can and do encounter uncomfortable or dangerous dating situations. These five rules are universal, and no one should feel embarrassed about using them.
Beyond digital tools and planning habits, consider taking a hands-on self-defense class. Knowing how to set physical boundaries and protect yourself adds a layer of confidence that changes how you carry yourself — on dates and everywhere else. Organizations like Women's Self-Defense offer practical, scenario-based training designed specifically for real-world situations.
What Does Confidence on a Date Actually Feel Like?
Here is what we hear from people who adopt these habits: they enjoy their dates more, not less. When the safety basics are handled — someone knows where you are, you have a check-in running, you know how you are getting home — you can actually relax and focus on the person in front of you.
Safety planning is not the opposite of spontaneity. It is the foundation that makes real spontaneity possible, because you are not spending mental energy on "what if" scenarios.
Ask yourself: When was the last time I went on a date and someone knew exactly where I was and when to expect me back? If the answer gives you pause, it might be time to build that habit.
Start Small, Start Tonight
You do not need to overhaul your dating routine. Just start with one rule. The next time you have a date, text a friend your plan. That is it. One message, thirty seconds. See how it feels to walk into a first date knowing someone has your back.
If you want to take it a step further, set up a free StillSafe account and try the Date Safety Mode on your next outing. It takes less time to set up than it does to pick an outfit, and it works quietly in the background so you can focus on what matters — actually getting to know someone new.
Your next step: Before your next date, text a friend your plan with a specific check-in time. That single habit is the most effective safety tool in online dating, and it costs nothing but a few seconds of your time.