I didn't set out to go on 30 first dates in a month. I set out to go on maybe four or five, ease myself back into dating after a long relationship, and see what happened. But the apps had other plans. Once you start swiping, the momentum has a way of carrying you forward, and before I knew it, I was averaging a date nearly every night. What made the whole experiment possible — and honestly, enjoyable — was a small change I made before the very first one: I set up a safety check-in system. This is the story of how a simple app changed the way I think about dating.
The Skeptic Phase
Let me be honest about where I started. When my friend Priya suggested I use a safety check-in app for dating, my first reaction was something between an eye roll and a sigh. "Isn't that a little dramatic?" I asked. I'm a grown woman. I've been going places alone my entire adult life. I don't need a digital babysitter.
Priya didn't argue. She just told me about a Pew Research study she'd read: roughly half of women under 50 who have used dating apps say they've had someone continue to contact them after they said they weren't interested, and a meaningful percentage report being threatened or harassed on these platforms. She wasn't trying to scare me. She was pointing out that online dating, statistically speaking, involves meeting strangers — and that having a safety net doesn't mean you're paranoid. It means you're prepared.
I set up a StillSafe account that afternoon. It took about five minutes. I added Priya and my sister Jess as emergency contacts, and that was it. No GPS tracking, no live location sharing. Just a simple deal: before each date, I'd start a timed check-in. After the date, I'd check in to confirm I was okay. If I missed the check-in, Priya and Jess would get a notification.
Simple. Unobtrusive. And, as I'd learn over the next 30 dates, surprisingly powerful.
The First Few Dates: Building the Habit
Date #1 was Aaron, a software developer I met on Hinge. Coffee at a busy cafe downtown on a Saturday afternoon. Extremely low risk by any measure. I almost didn't bother setting the check-in. But I'd promised myself I would, so I did: a 90-minute timer.
Aaron was nice. The conversation was fine. We talked about hiking and our favorite podcasts. No sparks, but no red flags either. When I got home and tapped the check-in button on my phone, it felt a little silly. Of course I was fine. But I noticed something unexpected: the act of checking in gave the date a defined ending in my mind. It was a small ritual of closure. I was okay. I was home. On to the next one.
Dates #2 through #5 were similar — a mix of coffees, drinks, and one walk in the park. I started getting into a rhythm: pick the spot, tell Priya the name and address in a quick text, set the check-in timer, and go enjoy myself. The whole safety routine added maybe two minutes to my pre-date prep. Less time than I spent choosing an outfit.
The Date That Changed My Mind
Date #8 was Marcus. We'd been texting for a few days and the conversation was great — funny, smart, just the right amount of flirty. We met at a wine bar I like. In person, though, something was off. Not dangerously off. Just... off. He talked over me constantly. He got weirdly intense about my relationship with my ex. He ordered for me without asking. And when I said I needed to leave after an hour, he got visibly annoyed and suggested we go to "this place I know" instead.
I declined. He pushed. I declined again, firmly. He eventually backed off, and I left.
Walking to my car, I felt that particular cocktail of emotions that women know well: was I overreacting? Was he really that bad, or was I being too sensitive? And then my phone buzzed with the check-in reminder. I tapped the button — "I'm okay" — and immediately felt something settle in my chest.
I wasn't overreacting. I'd listened to my instincts, I'd left, and I'd confirmed to my safety net that I was fine. It wasn't dramatic. It was just... responsible. Like wearing a seatbelt. You don't think about it when nothing happens, but the night Marcus made me uncomfortable, I was genuinely glad the system was there.
The Confidence Effect
Something shifted after Date #8. I started noticing that the check-in system wasn't just a safety net — it was a confidence booster. Knowing that someone would notice if something went wrong gave me permission to be more adventurous.
I said yes to a sunset kayaking date (Date #14 — it was wonderful). I tried a new restaurant across town that I'd never been to (Date #17). I agreed to a daytime hike with someone I'd only texted with for two days (Date #22 — he brought his golden retriever, and it was the best date of the entire month).
Before the check-in app, I think I would have said no to at least half of those. Not because the dates themselves were dangerous, but because the mental calculation of "Is this safe enough?" would have tipped toward caution. With the check-in running, the calculus changed. Someone knew where I was. Someone would follow up if I didn't confirm I was okay. That thin layer of reassurance made it easier to say yes to life.
A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that people who feel safer in dating contexts are more likely to be present and authentic on dates, rather than spending mental energy on threat assessment. That tracked with my experience completely. I was more myself on these dates — more relaxed, more curious, more willing to be vulnerable — because a small part of my brain wasn't constantly running background calculations about exits and escape plans.
What My Emergency Contacts Thought
About halfway through my month of dating, I asked Priya and Jess how the whole thing felt from their end.
"Honestly? I barely notice it," Priya said. "I get a little notification that you checked in, and that's it. It's like one second of 'Oh good, she's fine' and then I move on with my night." She paused. "But I will say — the one night your check-in was late by like twenty minutes, I definitely noticed. I had my phone in my hand ready to call you."
Jess was more direct: "I sleep better knowing you're doing this. You're meeting strangers from the internet. That's just a fact. This way I know that if something goes sideways, I'll know about it within an hour instead of finding out the next morning when you don't answer my texts."
That "twenty minutes late" incident Priya mentioned? It was Date #19. A really good dinner that ran long, and I was having such a good time that I forgot to extend my check-in window. When I finally remembered and tapped the button, I had a text from Priya: "Everything good? Timer's up." It was the system working exactly as designed — low-key, caring, and responsive.
The Numbers
After 30 dates in 31 days, here's where things landed:
- 30 first dates completed
- 30 check-ins set before dates
- 29 check-ins completed on time
- 1 check-in completed late (the long dinner)
- 0 actual emergencies
- 3 dates that felt uncomfortable enough that I was glad to have the system
- 2 second dates that turned into something more
- 1 golden retriever I'm still hoping to see again
Zero emergencies. Some people might look at that and think, "So you didn't even need it." But that's like saying you didn't need your seatbelt because you didn't crash. The point of a safety system isn't to be used in crisis every day. The point is to be there if a crisis ever comes, and to give you the confidence to live fully in the meantime.
What I'd Tell Anyone Starting to Date Online
After 30 dates, 30 check-ins, and more first-date small talk than any human should endure in a single month, here's what I'd pass along:
- Always meet in public first. This is non-negotiable. Coffee shops, restaurants, busy parks. Save the "come over and cook dinner" dates for when you've established trust.
- Tell someone where you're going. A friend, a sibling, anyone. Just make sure someone knows.
- Set up a check-in system. It doesn't have to be an app. It can be a text to your best friend with a "call me if you don't hear from me by 9pm" agreement. But an app automates it and removes the human forgetting factor. StillSafe's Date Safety Mode is built specifically for this — one tap to start, one tap to confirm you're safe.
- Trust your instincts. If something feels wrong, leave. You don't owe anyone an explanation. A decent person will understand. An indecent person is exactly the reason you should leave.
- Don't apologize for being careful. Safety precautions are not an insult to the person you're meeting. Any date who takes offense at you having a safety plan is telling you something important about themselves.
What Stayed After the Experiment Ended
I stopped going on a date every night (my wallet and my introvert batteries both demanded it). But I kept using the check-in system. Not just for dates — I use it when I go on evening runs, when I travel solo, and honestly, just as part of my daily routine now. There's something quietly reassuring about knowing that if something happened to me — anything, not just a bad date — someone would know.
The month of 30 first dates taught me a lot about what I want in a partner. But the safety check-in taught me something more lasting: that taking care of yourself isn't dramatic or fearful. It's just smart. And it frees you up to actually enjoy the adventure of meeting new people, which, despite everything, is still one of the most hopeful things we do.
Want the same peace of mind? Set up your free StillSafe account before your next first date. It takes two minutes, and you'll wonder why you didn't do it sooner.